Telling Will and Ben

Will's new lacrosse helmet. I love it almost as much as he does. Ben is a little further down...

I am happy and feeling good today. Yesterday was a day of progress, as usual, and Deb and I knocked out a bunch of life's minutiae while spending time together too. Thank God for her work to keep us both busy.

And, so I don't forget, I got a wonderful CT scan using that hot dye that coursed through my vascular network like warm acid. It settled in my lower bowel … lovely to feel while I laid on a hard table with my arms held back above my head. "These things are necessary for me to get better." 

In the big machine, I pondered whether or not to go to MD Anderson before or after the endoscopic ultrasound. We are going before now since we are meeting Dr. Javle on Friday at 1 PM, the exact time we are supposed to get the endoscopic ultrasound. 

But the big news from yesterday is telling Will and Ben. 

Ben's new helmet and gear. 

We told Will first. He asked how long I would be sick the night before. I told him I would talk to him about it in the morning. We sat down in Deb's office, Cate joined, and we walked through the details we know. He was scared of losing me. So help me God, I will not be lost. 

Ben was next. He is so wonderfully trusting. He was scared too of losing me. In a way, part of the healing process is hearing that those closest to me are scared of losing me. That makes me feel special. 

We gave Ben and Will similar tools to the ones we gave Cate.

1) Dad is strong and mean, and cancer is going to be sad he ever came to visit.

2) Their trust and openness with us is what will make them and me better. Anything they feel is completely okay. There is no expectation that they must be "strong" for me. If they're worried, scared, angry, if they want to be with friends, if they want to hang alone in their rooms … whatever, it's all okay. 

3) He can ask himself if what he is doing is making him better. If not, move on.

4) God is supporting us, and them and they can always pray and talk to God.

5) They have a huge support network and anything they need is not far away at all.